So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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