my phone needs a breathalizer
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
