are you still at the devil's house?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
