and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
