Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
