so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So many bounce houses so little time
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
