sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm both gender and math confused
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
