I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize