i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
