he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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