ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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