he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
