the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
