My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
