Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize