there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
