OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
