question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
