3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
