so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
