You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
