mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
