no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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