You can't special order awesome
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
