Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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