I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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