I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
being pregnant is like rehab
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
