The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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