Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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