were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
