3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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