not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
