you traded sex for a burrito?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
