Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
