That's when you crack a 10am beer
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The struggles of a small town man whore
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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