You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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