we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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