I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
