my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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