Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
