We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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