There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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