two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
