I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
