You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
