I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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