We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
