your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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