So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
