what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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