If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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