Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
