I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Found the puke drawer
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
