I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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