Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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