I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
