accomplished twins. life is a go
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
