this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Randomize
