Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
