Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
