I just saw a hot homeless man
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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