I want to stick my p in your. b.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
