Don't you send me to vm
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
