Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
