Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize