I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
