My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
