sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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