i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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