I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
