Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
