i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
try to milk me bitch
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
