You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
