I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
