I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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