Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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